Tag Archives: jokes

Peter Crouch: I thought I"d look like Joe Jordan

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It's a good job I'm married… I'd be struggling with these teeth, jokes Crouch

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UPDATED:

09:51 GMT, 8 December 2012

Stoke striker Peter Crouch has joked that he's glad he's married otherwise he'd be struggling to attract girls after having two teeth knocked out.

The 31-year-old suffered the blow, which has left him having to wear a brace and, for matches, a gum shield, in a challenge with Fabricio Coloccini.

'The last week has been pretty horrendous,' he told the Daily Mirror. 'My teeth came out in my hand.

Sore one: Peter Crouch lost two teeth in a collision with Fabricio Coloccini

Sore one: Peter Crouch lost two teeth in a collision with Fabricio Coloccini

'Thankfully there was a dentist in the crowd, a season ticket holder who works for the club, who came down and acted very quickly. He saved them.

'I thought I was going to end up looking like Joe Jordan! I've never had to a wear brace before, not even when I was a teenager..

On the mend: Crouch has endured a painful week

On the mend: Crouch has endured a painful week

'I’ve had a lot of sympathy from her
[wife Abbey Clancy] but I said when I had them knocked out it’s a good
job I’m married, otherwise I’d be struggling!'

Former Scotland forward Jordan lost
his two front teeth early in his career while at Leeds and, though they
were replaced by dentures, he played without them for safety reasons

Wimbledon 2012: Nikolay Davydenko jokes Andy Murray"s behaviour is because he is Scottish

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Maybe Murray's on court behaviour is because he's Scottish, jokes foe Davydenko

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UPDATED:

21:30 GMT, 25 June 2012


Teasing: Nikolay Davydenko

Teasing: Nikolay Davydenko

Nikolay Davydenko believes Andy Murray’s sometimes hangdog behaviour on court may be because he is from Scotland.

The former world No 3, who will play Murray in the first round on Tuesday, had a glint in his eye as he considered the issue that has hung around the British No 1 of late – his reactions to the aches and pains of being a tennis player.

‘Sometimes he walks on court, he looks tired,’ said Davydenko.

‘Then he starts running and returning and
you see his condition is very good. Maybe it’s a special Scottish
thing. He has done that all his career, he just walks and he’s like,
“Ah, I don’t want to play any more”.

‘Sometimes we laugh about it. He may have a pain somewhere but if you ask any player they will all say they have a pain here and there.’

Davydenko, now 31 and ranked 47 in the world, also poked fun at people uniting behind Murray when it comes to Wimbledon: ‘I don’t understand you guys because he’s from Scotland and you’re British.

‘He is Scottish, haven’t you had a war for 100 years with Scotland’

Temperamental: Andy Murray behaves oddly on court sometimes

Temperamental: Andy Murray behaves oddly on court sometimes

The quirky Muscovite with an offbeat sense of humour was the surprise winner of the inaugural Barclays ATP World Tour Finals in 2009 at London’s O2 Arena, but has never been past the fourth round of Wimbledon in a decent career and has not played a grasscourt warm-up event for SW19.

Yet he could still take advantage of any initial nerves from Murray, which he can sometimes be prone to, and is not expecting to be overpowered by the world No 4.

‘He plays not so an aggressive game, he play different, he waits for players to make mistakes,’ said Davydenko, whose idol as a child was Ivan Lendl, Murray’s coach.

‘For him it is good and he plays it well. He reached the Australian Open final with it but it doesn’t look like enough to win it.

‘I think it’s difficult for him to go to these tournaments and defend all these points in a row. But he is a good player and he holds his level.’

Euro 2012: Italy boss Cesare Prandelli walks 21km to monastery to celebrate victory

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Take a hike, Prandelli! Italy boss walks 21km to monastery to celebrate Euro victory

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UPDATED:

11:03 GMT, 20 June 2012

Italy boss Cesare Prandelli led staff in an unusual celebration after reaching the Euro quarter-finals: they walked 21km to a monastery in the middle of the night after beating Ireland.

The Camaldolese monks – whose origins are in Italy but who run a monastery outside Krakow – met the squad before the tournament and the team staff promised to make a pilgrimage to the monastery if they got out of Group C.

No one expected coach Prandelli, his backroom team and federation vice president and former midfielder Demetrio Albertini to take the walk at 3am local time, shortly after arriving back in Krakow from beating the Irish 2-0 in Poznan.

Pilgrimage: The Italy boss kept his promise to make a return visit to a monastery

Pilgrimage: The Italy boss kept his promise to make a return visit to a monastery

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The federation said in a statement that the group, who first 'had to deal with the jokes of the players… who went off to bed', took three-and-a-half hours to complete the walk and returned to the team base at 7am – by car.

Italy meet England in the last quarter-final in Kiev on Sunday when Azzurri fans hope Prandelli will not have another sleepness night – this time for the wrong reasons.

Put your feet up: The Italy boss was driven back to the training base

Put your feet up: The Italy boss was driven back to the training base

Chelsea reveal new "Marseille" away kit

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Sure you want to leave, Didier Chelsea unveil away kit that borrows Marseille colours

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UPDATED:

10:45 GMT, 7 June 2012

After Chelsea revealed a gold trim home kit to inspire Roberto Di Matteo’s side to Champions League glory, you don’t have to look far to see their inspiration for the new away kit.

As talks with Didier Drogba to extend his stay broke down to the point of the striker leaving, it seems the Champions League winners' last desperate attempt to keep the veteran was to offer him a playing kit that resembled his former club Marseille!

All change: Chelsea's new away strip features a diagonal blue stripe

All change: Chelsea's new away strip features a diagonal blue stripe

The Ivorian has quoted in the past he would have liked to end his career at the Ligue 1 club who he left to join Chelsea for 24million in 2004.

Top Drog: Didier Drogba enjoyed a successful season at Marseille in 2003/04

Top Drog: Didier Drogba enjoyed a successful season at Marseille in 2003/04

And although the strip borrows a template from Argentine side River Plate, the colours look remarkably similar to that of the southern France side.

But all jokes aside, the new strip is laced with adidas’s TechFit technology (proven to enhance performance) and the colours are meant to be synonymous with the success the club have achieved over the years.

Fans can see the strip for the first time when it will be worn during a pre-season tour of the USA when Chelsea face the MLS Allstars on July 25 in Philadelphia.

Monaco Grand Prix 2012: Jenson Button fastest as rain hits Monte Carlo

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McLaren star Button fastest in rain-affected practice for Monaco Grand Prix

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UPDATED:

14:26 GMT, 24 May 2012

Jenson Button beat the showers that dogged second practice ahead of Sunday's Monaco Grand Prix to record the fastest time of the day.

With rain forecast as the session began, it forced all drivers to hit the principality street circuit to get in dry running before the dangers increased on a potentially greasy track.

Leading the way: Button set the fastest time of the day ahead of the Monaco Grand Prix

Leading the way: Button set the fastest time of the day ahead of the Monaco Grand Prix

After just 25 minutes, with the gloom closing in, the first light shower did enough to send the cars scurrying back into the pits.

At that stage McLaren star Button held sway with a lap of one minute 15.746secs, a time that was never to be bettered as the rain drifted in and out, resulting in interspersed periods of activity and quiet.

Finn-ished: Kovalainen will need a new engine for the second practice session

Finn-ished: Kovalainen required a new engine for the second practice session

Up in smoke: Kovalainen brought an abrupt end to the first session when his engine blew up

Up in smoke: Kovalainen brought an abrupt end to the first session when his engine blew up

At least there was the opportunity for the teams to try out the intermediate Pirelli tyres, designed for such damp conditions.

Depending on which website you believe, there is the prospect of further rain over the weekend, but then the weather in such a microclimate as this part of the world is as unpredictable as the racing we have so far seen.

Button is one of five different drivers to have won a race this year, with history beckoning on Sunday as a season has never started with six different winners of the first six races.

All smiles: Hamilton jokes with McLaren chief Martin Whitmarsh ahead of this weekend's race

All smiles: Hamilton jokes with McLaren chief Martin Whitmarsh ahead of this weekend's race

In truth, no team will have gathered too much useful data today to prepare them for the race, despite spending three hours out on track.

The rain played its part, but given there is no running on Friday in Monaco – a long-held tradition – the nature of the roads used for the race could alter considerably by qualifying on Saturday.

Thumbs up: Alonso appeared in relaxed mood on Thursday

Thumbs up: Alonso appeared in relaxed mood on Thursday

As in the first session, Lotus' Romain Grosjean was forced to settle for second best, initially to Ferrari's Fernando Alonso, and then Button, with the Frenchman 0.392secs adrift.

The Ferraris of Felipe Massa and Fernando Alonso finished third and fourth, the Brazilian for once this season ahead of his team-mate on the timesheet and under pressure this weekend to improve on his poor performances to date.

In the tunnel: Hamilton is favourite to win in Monaco on Sunday

In the tunnel: Hamilton is favourite to win in Monaco on Sunday

Race winner in Spain last time out, Williams' Pastor Maldonado, was fifth quickest a second down, followed by Nico Rosberg in his Mercedes.

Red Bull duo Mark Webber and reigning champion Sebastian Vettel were in seventh and 10th, the latter 1.5secs down, with Sauber's Kamui Kobayashi and Michael Schumacher in his Mercedes sandwiched between the pair.

In the spotlight: Maldonado arrives in Monaco off the back of his maiden grand prix win

In the spotlight: Maldonado arrives in Monaco off the back of his maiden grand prix win

Lewis Hamilton trailed in 11th, 1.6secs off his team-mate, with Force India's Paul di Resta narrowly behind his fellow Briton in 12th.

Heikki Kovalainen had earlier brought a premature halt to first practice when the Renault engine in his Caterham blew nine minutes from the end of the session.

As the Finn was blasting through the tunnel at the time, white clouds of smoke billowed into the air, making visibility almost zero, forcing the stewards to red flag and eventually bring an early end to proceedings. Back on track in FP2, Kovalainen finished down in 21st, 4.2secs behind Button.

Manny Pacquiao declined 25.5m offer to fight Floyd Mayweather Jnr

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Pacquiao declined 25m offer to fight Mayweather who demanded 95m TV rights

Manny Pacquiao has revealed he turned down a 25.5million offer to fight Floyd Mayweather Jnr as he would have been denied any of the pay-per–view cash.

The PacMan declined the mammoth purse but the hugely anticipated fight between the world's No 1 and No 2 pound-for-pound ranked boxers would net 95.5m from the PPV rights alone.

The Filipino congressman cannot agree to terms that will see his opponent take such a huge chunk from the richest fight in history and wants all money to be split down the middle.

Straight talking: Pacquiao declined a big pay day to fight Mayweather

Straight talking: Pacquiao declined a big pay day to fight Mayweather

Pacquiao said: 'I was in the Philippines, and I told him, “We need to make this fight happen”.

'I said I would agree to a 50-50 (split), and he said, “Oh, I'll give you a 25.5m guarantee, and no pay-per-view. I'll take all the pay-per-view.

'I don't accept that offer. It's kind of embarrassing to me. It's trying to take advantage of me. He doesn't want to fight.'

Pacquiao is preparing for his welterweight bout with Timothy Bradley Jr on June 6 at the MGM Grand Garden in Las Vegas, but talk of the Mayweather clash is never far from boxing fan's minds.

But the defending champ says he is happy to confront Bradley who faces losing his unbeaten record (28-0, 12 KOs) later this summer.

Cheese! Pacquiao takes snaps of Bradley before they view the results (below)

Cheese! Pacquiao takes snaps of Bradley before they view the results (below)

Cheese! Pacquiao takes snaps of Bradley before they view the results (below)

'I'm willing to fight Mayweather,' Pacquiao said. 'But I have to fight the guys who are hungry to fight me. Timothy Bradley is strong, and he can punch. He's a good boxer, so it's a challenge to fight a guy like that.'

Bradley and Pacquiao exchanged jokes during the press conference in Beverley Hills but the challenger is hoping to cause a major upset and end the champion's reign at the top of the sport.

Bardley said: 'Pacquiao is probably the best fighter in the history of boxing.

'He's a great role model, a great guy, but Manny Pacquiao has reigned for a long time, and I really feel like I'm the new face of boxing.'

Pacquiao's longtime trainer Freddie Roach added: 'It's nice to be fighting a fighter who is undefeated and not worried about losing that zero on his record.'

Belt up: Mayweather wanted to take the money from TV rights

Belt up: Mayweather wanted to take the money from TV rights

Carlos Tevez: Manchester City situation is comical

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Tevez: Situation at Man City is 'comical', I'll make do with playing golf

Carlos Tevez has described his situation at Manchester City as 'comical' and blames the club for failing find an agreement and end his nightmare at the Etihad Stadium.

Tevez, who has been AWOL in Argentina since he last played for City four months ago, has already lost 9.3million through his dispute with the club.

The Argentina international has appealed to the Barclays Premier League against the six-week fine imposed by the club for his ongoing absence.

Jokes: Tevez is disappointed a resolution has not been found

Jokes: Tevez is disappointed a resolution has not been found

And in an interview with Kicker Sportmagazin, he says he is hopeful a resolution to the current impasse can be found soon.

He said: 'I just see I think the whole situation has become almost comical. I wanted to leave City and had offers from clubs in other leagues, both Italian and Spanish.

'But in the end it all collapsed because City wouldn't accept any of the offers. They say at City that I cost them a lot of money and so they don't want to give me away on the cheap.

'But they don't want to loan me out, either. I really have no idea what will happen in the coming months.

'I sent City a letter in which I told them why I wanted to go. In the last few days I've also contacted the Premier League to appeal against the fine which City have imposed on me.

'I'm waiting now for an answer from the Premier League. Going to the League is the only option I've got right now.

Reconciliation Tevez hasn't ruled out the chance of burying the hatchet with Mancini who he fell out with last September (below)

Reconciliation Tevez hasn't ruled out the chance of burying the hatchet with Mancini who he fell out with last September (below)

Reconciliation Tevez hasn't ruled out the chance of burying the hatchet with Mancini who he fell out with last September (below)

It was expected Tevez would finally secure his exit from Manchester in January, but the transfer window came and went without club and player being able to agree on a move.

Paris St Germain, AC Milan and Inter Milan all came close to securing his signature, but he has also hinted that he would relish a move to Spain, even though Barcelona would not be an option for him.

He said: 'I can see that but there's nothing I can do about it. There were offers from Milan, from Inter and from Paris Saint-Germain. But each time nothing came of them.

'But certainly there were interested people who wanted to see me playing football again.

'Everyone has to do what works for them. Barcelona are a fantastic club, and La Liga a fabulous championship. But what happened, happened.

He continued: 'There is also a personal aspect to all this. I wanted to be closer to my family, above all my children who are and were in Argentina. And because I couldn't play any longer at City I took control of the situation myself.

On the range: Tevez is happy to spend time on the golf course

On the range: Tevez is happy to spend time on the golf course

Surprisingly, Tevez believes there is the chance of reconciliation with manager Roberto Mancini, despite their pair's failed efforts to resolve their differences.

And as for the immediate future, he says he is happy out on the golf course and playing in friendly football matches to pass the time.

He said: 'That's (talking to Mancini) something I would have to discuss with City's directors. Let's see what happens.

'Of course, what I want is to be playing football. But the way things are I have to make do with playing golf or making appearances like this coming Saturday, at the farewell match of my old friend Martin Palermo.'

Paul Davis: No time for complacency in fight against racism

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Insight: This is no time for complacency in fight against racism in football

When I started back in 1979, I used to get unbelievable amounts of abuse. I was about 17 or 18 and senior players around me were making racist jokes in training.

I was young and wanted to progress in my career — but I still told those senior players I didn’t find it funny.

And 25 years ago, a player being banned for eight games for making a racial slur would never have happened.

Guilty: Luis Suarez was banned for eight games after abusing Patrice Evra

Guilty: Luis Suarez was banned for eight games after abusing Patrice Evra

A player would not have been banned, because a black player wouldn’t have been brave enough to make the accusation.

I decided to take a stand against that and thankfully black players are more confident nowadays with coming out and highlighting certain situations on the pitch. And we should be proud that they are confident enough to feel the system will be fair to them.

So, fair play to the black players today who say, ‘This is what has happened to me’.

Backing: Liverpool players wore t-shirts in support of Suarez (centre)

Backing: Liverpool players wore t-shirts in support of Suarez (centre)

In this country we’ve come a really long way, we should continue to remind ourselves of that and keep patting ourselves on the back.

But we also need to keep improving and get to a place where discrimination has nothing to do with the game.

I suspect Liverpool will appeal against Luis Suarez’s ban but there’s no reason why the ban should be reduced.

I don’t see why an appeal would bring up a different verdict in this respect. It’s the FA saying this sort of behaviour cannot be accepted.