Just man up like Rod and let your teardrops explode
23:55 GMT, 9 November 2012
There he was, sat at the front of the box, blubbing his eyes out and dabbing away the tears as if the cinema house lights had suddenly come up at the end of a double bill of The Bridges of Madison County and Kramer vs Kramer.
Only Rod Stewart didn't bother to pretend he was coughing or try to claim something had lodged in his eye like most men would.
He sobbed openly, taking great, heaving breaths and not caring a jot who saw the snot dangling from his distinctive nose.
Blubbering: Rod Stewart burst into tears after Celtic beat Barcelona at Parkhead
Celtic had beaten Barcelona and the singer showed the world what it meant to the legions following the club. Some scorned him for the outpouring, of course.
They laughed at how any grown man could shed tears at a football match. It happened with Paul Gascoigne at Italia 90, David Beckham in 2006 and John Terry in Moscow in 2008.
But they all had one thing in common; they cried for themselves in defeat. Stewart was not weeping in the stands at Parkhead because Celtic had lost.
Crying over a sporting setback is a fairly pathetic exhibition in self-pity,particularly by any supporter. Instead, he was weeping with uncontrolled joy.
Rodders was shedding tears of happiness because one of his life's ambitions was being realised right before his red-rimmed eyes.
This isn't a man who has been denied his share of excitement over the years. Stewart has had No 1 singles, he's had starlets and beauty queens.
But even so, he was able to appreciate that this was a truly special moment in his life.
He had seen the football club he passionately supports beat the best team in the world, arguably one of the best of all time, too, despite being given an ice cube in hell's chance beforehand.
And he was simply overcome. There was a period when fans only cried at a football match when riot police fired a few rounds of tear gas canisters into the away end.
But we've moved on and Stewart's burst of waterworks was an indication of soul and passion, rather than emasculating embarrassment.
Consoled: A friend grabs Rod as the jubilation gets the better of the pop legend
Those tears were prompted by a mixture of shock, delight and regret that his Celtic-supporting father wasn't there to share it.
I dare say he'd had a glass or two as well to lubricate the senses.
Either way, he reacted as any proper bloke would do. Flinty-hearted critics argued that births, deaths and marriages are the only acceptable occasions when a man can justifiably weep.
Since Stewart has had eight children, three wives and is already past 67 years of age, I would say that watching Celtic triumph in Europe would rank as a vastly more unique emotional experience than seeing Baby No 8 squeeze into the world.
And yes, of course I'm joking. Seeing Celtic triumph was probably more emotional than the arrival of everything from Baby No 2 on.
Remember too, that although you love your family, the average football fan takes the vow of allegiance to their club way more seriously than any 'I do' muttered at an altar.
A marriage pledge can be sincere, but in your heart you know that your spouse is never going to win a Champions League group match, not even if Europe's top clubs are hampered by a tough domestic fixture schedule, financial fair play rules and a crippling injury list.
No real fan swaps teams. Stewart is on his third wife. Case proven. Besides, the stereotypical characteristics of masculinity are vastly overrated.
Historic: Tony Watt scored the second goal on a momentous night in Glasgow
'Being a man' leads to dumb, unfortunate aberrations such as war, DIY and rugby league.
But negotiating the emotional template expected from the modern male is like tiptoeing through Stewart's bedroom in the dark after a lingerie party.
Something always trips you up. A regular complaint is that men are not particularly adept at expressing their innermost feelings.
This is based on the rather rash assumption that they have any. Don't be fooled. That was not the 'real Rod' at Parkhead.
When Stewart sings 'Wake up Maggie I think I've got something to say to you,' it is complete fiction. No bloke ever wakes up a woman to say something other than 'stop snoring', or 'give me back the duvet'.
It's a basic truth that men just do not feel comfortable expressing their innermost thoughts. Women can talk through every intimate detail of a relationship, often in telephone calls that last for several days.
Blokes do not. Probe beneath the small talk about the weekend's football results, delve right down into the deeper male psyche and you'll find heartfelt, passionate emotion for – the weekend's football results.
Some women even mistake silence for emotional depth. A couple can be travelling in the car, and, as the final scores come in, she will say: 'Do you know we've been going out for a year now'
Composed: Rod was a little calmer before Watt slotted in Celtic's second
This revelation will be met by a long pause. She'll think 'have I scared him Does he think I'm trying to push him into a relationship
Is he wondering where this is all going Maybe he's angry What have I done' At the same moment he's thinking: 'Arsenal lost. And a whole year Wow. I must get a new MOT for this car.'
She will rush home, call four friends and analyse what the silence meant.
He will turn on the TV, watch Gary Neville analyse the Gunners' leaky defence and make a note to ring the garage.
So let those tears flow, Rod. Words are never enough and weeping is the only manly way to express yourself.
Perils of pedalling must be resolved
Cycling is the most dangerous sport most of us will ever participate in. Anyone who has risked Millbank roundabout in central London at rush hour, or navigated Lower Thames Street will surely agree.
If any good comes of the unpleasant coincidence that Tour de France winner Bradley Wiggins and his coach Shane Sutton suffered separate road accidents within a day of one another, it is that the peril of pedalling on Britain's roads is back on the agenda.
The main problem seems to be that many drivers seem to regard cyclists as an obstacle, to be impatiently swept aside.
Sort it: Shane Sutton (right) was knocked off his bike in Levenshulme on Thursday
Equally, a proportion of cyclists openly defy road regulations. The solutions require a fundamental change in the law and our road-using culture.
Here's how it can happen: 1 Any incident between a car and a cyclist should be considered the car driver's fault, unless it can be proved otherwise. That changes the duty of care and protects the vulnerable.
2 Any cyclist who hits a pedestrian should face the same sanctions for the same reason. Cyclists, too, have a duty of care.
3 Police should penalise any cyclist running a light as they would a motorist. Police must fine cyclists who do not make themselves visible with lights at night, as a driver without lights would be.
These laws already exist – so they should be enforced. It's not perfect. It's a long, uphill climb. But it's a start.
Jury is definitely out on Herbert’s race agenda
Legal joke. Here's a question: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb
Answer. Lightbulbs should only be changed by fully qualified electrical engineers in line with current health and safety legislation.
Any breach of these guidelines will lead to a claim for punitive damages. You have to laugh at the tangles lawyers can wrap us up in. They do fine work when they defend the rights of the oppressed. At other times, they go too far. Take Peter Herbert. Please.
Too far: Peter Herbert reported Mark Clattenburg to the Met for a 'hate crime' after Chelsea alleged he racially abused players
He just loves football, this fellow. Well, I'm not sure he does. But he certainly must love the notoriety it brings.
As I mentioned last week, the chairman of the Society of Black Lawyers seems intent on hitching a ride on any bandwagon associated with the national game.
This is the man who reported referee Mark Clattenburg to the Metropolitan Police for a 'hate crime' after Chelsea alleged that the official racially abused players, even though the lawyer was nowhere near Stamford Bridge. Now Herbert has put himself in the papers again by threatening to report Spurs to the police if fans chant the phrase 'Yid Army' – even when they are using it to describe themselves.
So if I call myself a white, Catholic, plastic Paddy, am I supposed to take offence at myself
It's a strange one. Comedian David Baddiel's opposition to the chant expressed on these pages was very lucid.
But if we spend our entire lives looking to find something to take offence at we will never be disappointed.
Just ask any comedian. Genuine racism is a problem. Since Spurs is run by a Jewish chairman, the previous chairman also happened be Jewish, and nobody attending White Hart Lane seems to take offence at the club's blunt self-parody, there doesn't seem any enormous 'wrong' to right here.
Herbert is stirring up trouble and it gets him noticed. But if his wider aim is to highlight the ridiculous nature of prejudice, it is failing.
He is actually making his own association look narrow-minded, intolerant and ridiculous. He is distracting attention from far more important issues and pushing himself to the margins.