Zlatan Ibrahimovic set 12 challenges by fan to win internet domain name

Take Zlat! Cheeky fan sets Ibrahimovic 12 bizarre challenges to win website in his name

By
James Andrew

PUBLISHED:

10:57 GMT, 5 January 2013

|

UPDATED:

10:57 GMT, 5 January 2013

Swedish striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic may have finally met his match – but not with another player – instead with a cheeky fan who bought the internet domain name Zlatan.fr and set him a number of ridiculous challenges if he wants to win it off him.

The bold Paris Saint-Germain fan, who has opted to remain anonymous, bought the website name shortly after the striker completed his move from AC Milan to the French capital in the summer.

The Swedish superstar is a hit in Paris and is understood to be keen on strengthen his marketing ties in France and the Zlatan.fr domain name would be the perfect way to promote his brand.

Met his match: PSG star Zlatan Ibrahimovic has been set a number of challenges if he wants to win website in his name

Met his match: PSG star Zlatan Ibrahimovic has been set a number of challenges if he wants to win website in his name

And the fan says he is willing to hand over the registration details for free, so long as the striker completes one of the 12 challenges that have been laid out.

In an open letter to the Swede on the website, the fan writes: ‘When you signed in my beloved club, It was an incredible surprise to see that the domain name 'Zlatan.fr' was available.

Bold: The PSG fan wrote a letter to Ibrahimovic

Bold: The PSG fan wrote a letter to Ibrahimovic

‘So, I rushed to book it as I really didn't want a malicious person to take advantage of your name and image.

‘So now, I give you the opportunity to have it back. And for that, as you can imagine, we won’t bother with lawyers and endless procedures. Obviously it would be a waste of time and money for both of us. Instead, I got a much funnier idea. And as I am a very good guy, I let you have the choice of weapons.’

Hair we go! One of the challenges was for Ibrahimovic to give up a lock of his hair

Hair we go! One of the challenges was for Ibrahimovic to give up a lock of his hair

All of the challenges are ridiculous, though. Ranging from playing Zlatan at Fifa on the Playstation, to letting the striker beat up the fan using taekwondo, and even donating a lock of his hair, the fan certainly has a pretty vivid imagination.

It is not clear if Ibrahimovic is aware of the website or the challenges he has been set, but it is unlikely, all the challenges are below.

Unbelievable: Ibrahimovic clebrates his wonder goal against England

Unbelievable: Ibrahimovic clebrates his wonder goal against England

THE CHALLENGES:

1. Offer me a dedicated PSG jersey, with my name on it and the following quote: “After Zlatan, you really are the best !”

2. Stay at my place for a month. This way, all my life, I could say “Ibra Sure, he used to sleep on my couch for a while.”

3. Offer me 3 lifetime season tickets, for two of my friends and I. Obviously, I’m talking about Official tribune tickets… don’t try to fool me with your crappy H Blue tribune tickets…

4. Win penalty kicks against me, at the Parc des Princes of course, so that you’re at home and have no excuse in case I win.

5. Beat me at taekwondo. I’ve heard you’re not too bad at it. As I’ve never practiced that sport myself, I recommend you to choose this challenge.

6. Give me one of your locks of hair as a gift. Samson’s strength came from his long hair. I think it works the same way with you. Then, I can make a key ring with it, which will bring me power for the rest of my life.

7. Beat me at FIFA13. You can choose the teams but, anyway trust me, there is no way you can make it.

8. Score a more-than-30-meter-backflip-goal in an official game. Just kidding… this is not realistic.

9. Let me slap you in the face, without saying a word… and in public obviously.

10. Offer a bare-chested dedicated photo of you to my girlfriend. Frankly, among all of those challenges, I have to confess it’s not my favorite. I’m getting fed up to see twinkles in her eyes when you take off your jersey at the end of a game.

11. Manage to have Neymar sign at PSG during the 2013 summer transfer market.

12. Simply ask me to let you have this domain name for free… but face to face and – as a tribute to Guillaume – in French obviously.

Liam Ridgewell exposed for toilet picture with 20 notes

Toilet roll and 20s… West Brom players stitch up Ridgewell in best way they know how

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UPDATED:

14:19 GMT, 3 December 2012

With toilet roll pouring down from cupboards and a 20 note stuck to the wall, it could only be one player's locker which has been trashed and photographed for posterity on Twitter: Liam Ridgewell.

The West Bromwich defender has been remorseful after the embarrassing picture emerged of him wiping his backside with a wad of 20s.

But it would seem his team-mates have seized upon this as a perfect opportunity to wind-up one of their fellow players.

Bad taste: Ridgewell landed himself in trouble after this picture was leaked

Bad taste: Ridgewell landed himself in trouble after this picture was leaked

The former Aston Villa and Birmingham defender was forced to apologise after the picture was leaked at the weekend.

He claimed the shot was taken to wind up a friend after he won a bet and he never intended for it to enter the public domain.

Ridgewell told The Sun: 'The photo was taken in the privacy of my home around eight months ago as a joke to wind up a mate, who I had just won a personal bet with.

'I only intended him to see the photo but now it’s public, I can understand how it will be viewed. I am sorry for any offence it causes.'

The picture caused anger as Ridgwell earns in a week what the denizens of the West Midlands earn – on average – in a year.

The club distanced themselves from the issue saying it was a private matter.

'This is a private issue for Liam that has become public', a Baggies statement said.

'It does not put the club in a good light and we will deal with the matter internally. Since Liam joined us 11 months ago, his conduct on club duty has been exemplary.'

Wind-up: Ridgewell's locker draped with toilet rolls and a 20 note

Wind-up: Ridgewell's locker draped with toilet rolls and a 20 note

Kick It Out T-shirt rebels are taking "cheap shot" – Paul Elliott

Kick It Out T-shirt rebels are taking 'cheap shot' at our campaign, blasts Elliott

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UPDATED:

09:37 GMT, 7 November 2012

Paul Elliott, a founding trustee of the Kick It Out campaign, has accused the players who refused to wear the anti-racism T-shirts as taking a 'cheap shot' at the campaign.

Manchester United defender Rio Ferdinand was one of a number of high-profile players who caused a stir by refusing to wear the shirts during the warm-up against Stoke at Old Trafford – even ignoring the request of his manager Sir Alex Ferguson.

Elliot, a trustee since the organisation began in 1996, told the Telegraph: ‘We certainly got a bloody nose in the last few weeks, and the T-shirt protest was a catalyst for the players to bring issues that concern them into the public domain.

The shirt doesn't fit: Manchester United midfielder Ashley Young (left) was one player not to wear a Kick It Out T-shirt while warming up last week

The shirt doesn't fit: Manchester United midfielder Ashley Young (left)
was one player not to wear a Kick It Out T-shirt while warming up last
week…

... while Manchester City's Micah Richards (second right) also made the gesture...

… while Manchester City's Micah Richards (second right) also made the gesture…

... and Reading striker Jason Roberts (centre) has been an outspoken critic

… and Reading striker Jason Roberts (centre) has been an outspoken critic

‘It felt like a cheap shot but we take it on the chin, and I think the majority of players realise that Kick It Out has had a major impact in their careers. Many of them will have been teenagers when we started. Perhaps that was not fully respected or recognised.

‘There has been a lot of misunderstandings about Kick It Out in recent weeks. We are a charity, we have no statutory powers, we are under-resourced, but we have punched above our weight for years.

Strictly speaking, we are looking in the wrong place for racism…

Read Martin Samuel's latest verdict on the poisonous issue that has rocked football

‘But it has brought the 21st century issues we face into the public domain. The world has changed and the issues have changed, but we still have to work together to address them. It is going to take collaboration from the FA, the Premier League and the FA to do it.

‘We have all shared in the upside of the successes of Kick It Out. While we were all patting ourselves on the back about the atmosphere in Premier League stadiums we always said there was no room for complacency. Now the penny has dropped.’

The leadership of the Kick It Out organisation meet on Wednesday to call on the game’s leadership to step up the battle against racism and discrimination.

Chelsea"s credibility is crashing down: Des Kelly

No Chelsea player heard Terry abuse Ferdinand… now they're blessed with the hearing of a piano tuner

PUBLISHED:

00:00 GMT, 3 November 2012

|

UPDATED:

00:00 GMT, 3 November 2012

Listen and you might be able to hear the sound of Chelsea’s credibility crashing down around their ears.

The wild accusation that referee Mark
Clattenburg hurled racist abuse at John Mikel Obi appears to be coming
apart and it is taking the club’s reputation along with it.

For unknown reasons that seem to defy
any true appreciation of justice, Chelsea rushed into the public domain
with claims that this experienced match official had racially abused
two of their players during Sunday’s defeat by Manchester United.

They claimed Juan Mata was called a ‘Spanish t***’ and — staggeringly — that the referee told Mikel to ‘shut up, monkey’.

Quiet, please: Mark Clattenburg gestures to John Mikel Obi

Quiet, please: Mark Clattenburg gestures to John Mikel Obi

They are charges so disgracefully
damaging to Clattenburg, it is almost impossible to believe the Stamford
Bridge board could proceed without making sure there was genuine
substance to the claims.

They will presumably have known how
the stigma of any such charge would hang over the official. They would
have been aware of the implications for the man and his career. But they
did it anyway, two hours after losing a heated, bad-tempered match.

Only it now seems their case is based
on the flimsiest claims. We are told there is no television footage.
No audio recording. No corroborating testimony from the officials on the
touchline wearing communication devices. And no witness who is likely
to stand up to genuine scrutiny. In short, there is little proof that
anything of the sort happened.

On advice from lawyers, Chelsea have
already withdrawn the Mata accusation, which is embarrassing in itself.
Yet the Mikel charge still hangs in the air.

Dropped: After legal advice, Chelsea opted not to press ahead with the Juan Mata accusation

Dropped: After legal advice, Chelsea opted not to press ahead with the Juan Mata accusation

More from Des Kelly…

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26/10/12

Des Kelly: Now it is time for football's three monkeys to wise up
19/10/12

Des Kelly: Really, what are these people who support Armstrong on
12/10/12

Des Kelly: Terry affair must not derail battle to defeat racism… so let's stop the schism
28/09/12

Des Kelly: Forget the badge… it might have been you on that tragic day at Hillsborough
14/09/12

Des Kelly: These real diamonds can shine brightly on any stage
08/09/12

Des Kelly: Fire up the Quattro — Sam and Carroll are back in vogue
31/08/12

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24/08/12

VIEW FULL ARCHIVE

Not that Mikel heard this insult, you understand. It is based on the word of Brazilian player Ramires Santos do Nascimento, who apparently believes he was able to hear Clattenburg abusing his Chelsea team-mate.

At this point, it is worth noting that Ramires speaks about as much English as I speak Portuguese — which is very little. His club interviews require the services of a translator and, on the pitch, he apparently asked David Luiz — another Brazilian — to explain what he thought he had heard Clattenburg say.

Is this the evidence Chelsea are relying on to destroy a match official’s career A piece of hearsay passed on second or third hand

In the absence of anything to the contrary, I prefer to listen to common sense. I prefer to listen to the voice in my head telling me the way this has been conducted is plain wrong.

I also have to admire the fact that Chelsea’s players suddenly appear to have developed improved listening skills. Not one of them heard John Terry shout ‘f****** black ****’ at Anton Ferdinand, despite being in close proximity to their captain’s sweary outburst, but now they are supposed to have ears as sensitive as a piano tuner when it comes to hearing a referee’s remarks.

If Ramires believes something insulting was said, he is right to report it to those in charge at the club. But the people paid huge sums to run Chelsea and protect their worldwide image should have had the decency and good judgment to examine the charges thoroughly before stampeding into the public domain with such a complaint.

Instead, they reacted like fans. They got caught up in the emotion of the game. They lost a vital match and, in their perception at least, it was ‘the referee’s fault’.

Selective hearing: Chelsea players failed to hear John Terry's exchange of opinion with Anton Ferdinand

Selective hearing: Chelsea players failed to hear John Terry's exchange of opinion with Anton Ferdinand

In this scenario it is hard to avoid speculating about the possibility Chelsea were so aggrieved at being shown two red cards, they waved the race card too quickly.

Dealing with what we know from all the briefings and reports, let us employ the ‘balance of probability’ test that saw the FA punish Terry. Just ask yourself what is the more likely scenario:

1) That a leading referee said ‘shut up, monkey’ to a player while wearing a microphone in front of 24 or more television cameras, 41,000 spectators and a global audience of half a billion Or…

2) That a Brazilian player misheard a Geordie referee saying ‘shut up, Mikel’ and the entire incident got completely out of hand due to the Chelsea players’ over-inflated sense of grievance

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Click here for more: @DesKellyDM

This is a referee with more than a dozen years of top-flight officiating experience, one who has been on the FIFA international list for the past six years. He took charge of the 2012 League Cup final and the Olympic final. I’m not saying he doesn’t make mistakes. Quite clearly, he does.

But his reputation is being trashed by a club who can hardly boast a noble record of restraint when it comes to the treatment of referees.

Anders Frisk was once accused by Chelsea of chatting with the then Barcelona manager, Frank Rijkaard, in the officials’ room at half-time. This was proved to be inaccurate and wrong but Frisk received death threats that drove him into retirement.

Referee Tom Henning Ovrebo was branded a ‘thief’ and smuggled out of England by police for his own safety when Chelsea lost a Champions League semi-final to Barcelona again in 2009.

Hounded: Tom Henning Ovrebo is surrounded by Chelsea players after the final whistle at Stamford Bridge

Hounded: Tom Henning Ovrebo is surrounded by Chelsea players after the final whistle at Stamford Bridge

Ex-referee Graham Poll says a clique
of Chelsea players made accusations that he had threatened to ‘sort them
out’ when he sent off Terry. Their claims were later retracted.

Add
too that Chelsea club secretary David Barnard is handling this Mikel
dispute. He is the Stamford Bridge official who was shown to have
altered witness statements in the Terry case and provided what the FA
described as ‘materially defective’ evidence with ‘very real concerns’
about its accuracy.

Right
now, the balance of probability is tipped about as far as gravity will
allow, although Chelsea will probably demand action against Sir Isaac
Newton for this.

Don’t bother to tell me this is an ‘ongoing police investigation’, either. That is another farce.

They are involved only because the Society of Black Lawyers made a formal complaint to the Metropolitan Police. ‘We weren’t there, but we don’t need to be in order to report an incident,’ said their chairman, Peter Herbert.

Still, it got him in the papers, didn’t it Well done.

When this case collapses, as it surely will without an extraordinary silver bullet of evidence being produced, the Football Association cannot let Chelsea walk away without sanction.

Eye of the storms: John Terry, John Mikel Obi and Ashley Cole in training

Eye of the storms: John Terry, John Mikel Obi and Ashley Cole in training

They cannot allow a club to throw around such vicious indictment of an official’s character and decency without suffering some consequence. The referees’ union need to step up, too.

Officials endure enough vitriol and hatred as it is. Week in and week out practically every single decision during a match is openly contested. Each corner, each throw-in, each free-kick is little more than the cue for a bout of snarling protest.

Players steal a yard, dive at the merest touch, then stamp their feet like a child denied chocolate at the supermarket checkout when the official they have spent an entire match trying to dupe finally dares to make an error.

It feeds a mood of hostility and confrontation the game is doing nothing to address. The FA’s reaction to this will no doubt be to tape referees’ conversations with their assistants during a match to prevent this kind of incident happening again.

Really, it should be used to put the players’ outbursts on record and hold them to account for the abuse they hurl at officials. It’s the ideal way to change behaviour overnight. But is anyone listening

Winter of discontent

Winter has arrived and it’s downright depressing. I’m not talking about the weather, I’m talking about ex-referee Jeff Winter, who has been doing the rounds on TV and radio offering his opinions on Mark Clattenburg and Chelsea.

Producers can be unimaginative sorts. An appearance on one channel inevitably leads to a slot on another. But it might be an idea to skip the page of the contacts book with Winter’s name on it next time. Especially if the debate is on issues of prejudice and tolerance.

Extreme views: Former referee Jeff Winter

Extreme views: Former referee Jeff Winter

His website carried a peculiar anti-Catholic rant when Celtic went top of the Scottish Premier League at the turn of the year. The piece asked: ‘What does it mean for the altar boys Do they get abused in celebration Would it have been worse in the anger of defeat Or would they just get abused anyway’ The Pope was also described as a ‘dress-wearing, Nazi, kiddy-fiddling protector’.

I think we can do without any more sectarian bile. And we can do without more Winter, too. We don’t need to put the clocks back twice.

Berg

Henning Berg discovered the perils of being a football pundit when he became the new Blackburn manager a few weeks after declaring it would be madness to work for Venky’s and that no-one with any credibility would accept the position. Give it a couple of weeks and he is likely to be proved right.

Wakefield Wildcats move to allay winding-up fears after being issued with winding-up petition

Wakefield Wildcats move to allay fears after being issued with winding-up petition

|

UPDATED:

12:03 GMT, 27 October 2012

Wakefield Wildcats have sought to allay fears of further financial turmoil at the Super League club after they were issued with a winding-up petition.

The petition was brought by HM Revenue and Customs against Spirit of 1873, the company that now owns the club, and is due to be heard at the Royal Courts of Justice in London on November 12.

Allaying fears: Wildcats' Richard Mathers in action

Allaying fears: Wildcats' Richard Mathers in action

The Wildcats, who were brought out of administration in February 2011 by local businessman Andrew Glover, issued a statement insisting the action was the result of an oversight and that the matter has been dealt with.

The statement said: 'The Wildcats would like to reassure all those connected with the club that the outstanding sum of money that the petition is in relation to has already been dealt with.

'Due to the club's recent financial history, it is subject to monthly visits from HMRC and, furthermore, no leeway is granted in regards to any payments owed as it may be to other such companies.

'An oversight on the part of the club in relation to the amount of one such payment led to the issuing of the winding-up petition.

'However, once the club was made aware of this, it was immediately rectified.

'Unfortunately, once a winding up petition is issued there is no way of preventing it from going to press and, as such, it came into the public domain today.

'Again, the club would like to reassure everyone associated with the Wildcats that the club is continuing to work tirelessly to ensure that the progress both on and off the pitch since the takeover by Spirit of 1873 Ltd is maintained.'

Wakefield are the second Super League club to be issued with a winding-up petition in the last 10 days.

Action was brought against Salford by a management consultant company over an unpaid bill and is due to be heard in Manchester next Monday, although the club sought to play down the significance of the move.

Lance Armstrong reputation is done – Des Kelly Daily Mail column

Really, what are these people who support Lance Armstrong on

|

UPDATED:

13:00 GMT, 13 October 2012

So who else knew There were too many people involved; too many mouths open and too much money was in play for this to remain a genuine secret for so long.

There must have been people in positions of power within the sport who had knowledge of what Lance Armstrong was up to long before this damning dossier was released.

Dragging the proof into the public domain was a difficult task, but only because it was hampered by what has all the appearances of an institutional cover-up, a co-ordinated conspiracy and the propagation of a huge lie that extends way beyond the disgraced rider’s circle of team-mates.

Disgraced: Lance Armstrong led 'the most sophisticated, professionalised and successful doping programme'

Disgraced: Lance Armstrong led 'the most sophisticated, professionalised and successful doping programme'

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Of course people knew. Armstrong’s team used to sing a song about the drug use, for heaven’s sake. His fellow rider at the US Postal Service team, David Zabriskie, revealed how he would adapt the words to Jimi Hendrix’s Purple Haze when they were in meetings or on the bus.

‘EPO all in my veins,
Lately things just don’t seem the same.
Actin’ funny, but I don’t know why,
’Scuse me while I pass this guy.’

The bigger joke is that cycling tried to pretend the scandal wasn’t happening, or did they think it was too big a risk to bring Armstrong down

It is certainly difficult not to laugh at the idea that the Union Cycliste Internationale governing body once accepted 78,000 from Armstrong for the ‘development of drug-testing equipment’. Seriously, what were these people on Were they stupid

There were others prepared to ignore the obvious. After the coruscating United States Anti-Doping Agency investigation into Armstrong landed with an almighty thud, his key sponsor rushed out a statement in less time than it would have taken for the rider to empty a syringe into a vein.

It said: ‘Nike continues to support Lance.’

That’s right. Despite the extraordinary amount of evidence, despite the fact that former team-mates and colleagues provided more than 1,000 pages of detail on his doping, Armstrong’s commercial backers were still there, putting an arm around his shoulder.

In doing so, they gave a whole new meaning to their company’s advertising slogan: ‘Just Do It’.

This is how sport tries to protect itself, with shrugs, tacit acceptance, blanket denials and intimidation.

The head of USADA, Travis Tygart, received three death threats during the Armstrong probe, all currently being investigated by the FBI.

Two journalists at the vanguard of
exposing the culture of doping in cycling, and Armstrong in particular,
have been chased to court and harassed.

In one legal action, UCI president Pat
McQuaid and ‘honorary president’ Hein Verbruggen are seeking full-page
apologies from newspapers in Britain, France and Switzerland.

We got you: Nike, one of Armstrong's main sponsors released a statement confirming their support

We got you: Nike, one of Armstrong's main sponsors released a statement confirming their support

We got you: Nike, one of Armstrong's main sponsors released a statement confirming their support

This is the same Verbruggen, a current International Olympic Committee member, who said in May 2011: ‘Armstrong has never used doping. Never, never, never.’

The UCI should be issuing full-page apologies, not asking for them. They should be throwing open the doors and hidden files, not silencing their critics.

Were Armstrong’s ploys to avoid out-of-competition testing ignored Was he tipped off beforehand about testers’ visits

There is an oft-quoted statistic that Armstrong passed 500 tests. In fact, he was asked for blood on around 260 occasions — and it is known he returned positive results on more than one occasion. But the rider, his team and the authorities ‘explained’ them away at the time.

Armstrong is finished now. His reputation is done. But the UCI must be called to account, too.

How did the US agency gather such a comprehensive mass of evidence when the supposed governing body could not — or would not

There are two obvious views. The UCI
knew what was happening and yet failed to act. Or they did not know and
so they are incompetent. Either way, they must be considered unfit for
purpose and those in charge should have already handed in their
resignations.

Was Armstrong’s drug-taking vastly
different to most of the leading riders of his generation Yes, he
survived seemingly terminal cancer and then set about raising an
extraordinary amount of money to help fellow sufferers.

The people his foundation has helped will not care, but that cannot exonerate his behaviour in this scandal.

What is peculiar is the idea that this
has all come as a shock inside cycling. People outside the sport have a
right to be amazed, but Armstrong’s activities became common knowledge
in the peloton.

Pat Mcquaid, president of the Union Cycliste Internationale

Hein Verbruggen

In denial: UCI president Pat McQuaid and ‘honorary president’ Hein Verbruggen are seeking full-page apologies from newspapers in Britain, France and Switzerland

Yet everyone is talking about how the sport is ‘moving on’ and ‘looking forward, not back’. To listen to Team Sky chief David Brailsford, the man who boasted his outfit would be scrupulously clean and use a zero-tolerance policy on drugs, this was all a blinding revelation to him.

‘The more you read, the more the jaw drops,’ he said. ‘Armstrong was one of the first cyclists that maybe transcended the sport. It was an amazing thing, so to now find out what was behind it is disappointing.’

Brailsford says he only found out now.

But Canadian Michael Barry was at Team Sky. The same Barry that used to ride alongside Armstrong. The same Barry was named in the USADA report confessing to years of EPO and testosterone use within Armstrong’s team.

Barry claims he stopped doping in
2006, before he joined Bradley Wiggins and Team Sky in 2009. But since
he lied beforehand it’s up to you whether you believe him now.
Coincidentally, one month before the damning USADA report was issued,
Barry retired from Team Sky.

At least Britain’s Tour de France
champion, Wiggins, admitted that, while he was shocked by the scale of
evidence, he was not by the facts themselves. ‘I’m not surprised by it —
I had a good idea what is going on,’ he said.

It’s all a bit of a puzzle, isn’t it
Wiggins says he knew what Armstrong was up to. Ex- team-mate Barry
certainly knew. Brailsford says otherwise and insists that Barry lied to
him about past doping. Someone’s certainly gullible. As long as it’s
not you or me.

The Team Sky website was still
carrying an official statement about Barry’s retirement on Thursday,
saying: ‘He was a founding member of Team Sky when he signed at the end
of 2009, and over the last three seasons has set an example to the rest
of the squad with his positive attitude, unwavering commitment to the
cause, and wealth of cycling knowledge.’

Seventh heaven: Armstrong was considered one of the greatest sportsmen of his generation

Seventh heaven: Armstrong was considered one of the greatest sportsmen of his generation

There is no doubting his knowledge, but we might argue about the wisdom of using the word ‘positive’ in the circumstances.

Barry himself added: ‘Through my 14-year professional career I’ve been fortunate to race with many of the top teams. From my first coaches and club-mates, to Dave Brailsford and my Team Sky team-mates, I’ve had the opportunity to race and learn from many of the best.’

Ah yes. He learned a lot. He learned how to cheat. The page has disappeared now. This is all very uncomfortable for Sky and Brailsford. As was the recently terminated association with Dr Geert Leinders, a man with a murky past in cycling.

But history is being wiped away. We’re all ‘moving forward’, apparently. Yes, it’s better now. There’s nothing to see here any more, so move along. Can we believe that I think Hendrix had it right without any need to change his lyrics.

‘Purple haze all in my eyes
Don’t know if it’s day or night
You’ve got me blowin’, blowin’ my mind,
Is it tomorrow, or just the end of time’

Thou shalt not upset the FA

The Football Association plans to issue players with a ‘code of
conduct’. You will know this, since I believe it has already been on the
back pages at least three times this year.

Whenever anything awkward or untoward happens in the international camp,
someone at the FA mentions that football’s commandments will be brought
down from Mount Bernstein soon, as if that is going to make everything
suddenly clear.

How long does it take to tell players not to behave like, to coin a
phrase, ‘a bunch of t***s’ Monks in medieval times produced illuminated
manuscripts faster than this list of dos and don’ts . . .

Toe the line: Ashley Cole was the latest England player to land himself hot water with football authorities

Toe the line: Ashley Cole was the latest England player to land himself hot water with football authorities

Luckily, I have obtained an early leaked copy. It says:

Do not sleep with a team-mate’s partner or wife
Do not racially abuse another player
Do not sell on any perks you may receive as a result of your international call-up
Do not park in any disabled parking bay
Do not get drunk or abusive in public

The document is still being drafted, but the working title is ‘The Book of John’. I can’t think why.

Wronga: Newcastle's new sponsorship deal hasn't gone done well with the supporters

Wronga: Newcastle's new sponsorship deal hasn't gone done well with the supporters

Money talks.. and turns the air blue

Newcastle United manager Alan Pardew believes the sponsorship money
provided by the company dubbed a legal loan shark, Wonga.com, can help
push the club into the top four. He intends to motivate the players by
demanding they give 4,214 per cent.

Ash, he's a top gun

Joe Hart offered up a ringing endorsement of Ashley Cole this week.

‘He was very welcoming to me and I’ve noticed he’s like that with a lot
of the young lads,’ said the England goalkeeper. ‘That’s the beauty of
him,’ he added.

Yes, Cole’s traditional ‘hello’ to youngsters is the stuff of legend. A
shot with an air rifle into the thigh of an intern at the training
ground makes them feel right at home.

Catch me if you can

I'll be part of a BBC 5 Live Fighting Talk special in front of a
sell-out crowd at The Crucible Theatre in Sheffield at 11am on Saturday.

Afterwards, I will be embarrassing myself even more as Fighting Talk
faces the 606 team in a charity five-a-side match for BBC Children in
Need. If I’m still alive, The Press Pass is on talkSPORT on Sunday at
6pm..

Sir Chris Hoy launches defence of tax affairs after receiving loan from his own company

Hoy launches defence of tax affairs after receiving loan from his own company

|

UPDATED:

13:41 GMT, 23 June 2012

Sir Chris Hoy has defended his tax arrangements after it was reported that he received a loan from his own company.

Britain's most successful Olympic cyclist said neither he nor his company disguised remuneration and insisted that he takes his responsibilities as a taxpayer 'as seriously as I do as an athlete'.

He admitted taking a loan from his company in 2010 but said it was repaid in full in October 2011, adding that the practice is standard in most small companies in the country.

Fierce defence: Sir Chris Hoy has said he has done nothing wrong

Fierce defence: Sir Chris Hoy has said he has done nothing wrong

'The dividends that I took to repay the loan were in fact taxed at the highest rate,' he said.

'I saw an opportunity to buy property and with the guidance of my advisers I borrowed money from my company to do so. The loan was subsequently repaid shortly thereafter by declaration of fully taxable dividends.

'Everything I have done is as a UK resident, and is UK taxable and not offshore.'

Hoy said he felt compelled to respond when The Guardian published a story about his financial affairs.

His income-generating activities are organised through a UK-registered tax-paying company, and as such his finances are transparent and in the public domain, he pointed out.

On track: Hoy has come under scrutiny following a newspaper report into his tax affairs

On track: Hoy has come under scrutiny following a newspaper report into his tax affairs

Sir Chris, 36, whose firm is Trackstars Limited, has received lottery funding. This stopped in October 2008 however.

'I am very proudly British and my responsibilities as a British sportsman do not stop once I step off the bike,' he said.

'I take my responsibilities as a taxpayer as seriously as I do as an athlete.'

His unusual decision to speak out about his financial affairs comes after comedian Jimmy Carr hit the headlines for using a complex scheme to avoid paying HM Revenue and Customs.

Proud Briton: Hoy

Proud Briton: Hoy

David Cameron joined a chorus of criticism of Carr whose tax arrangements were disclosed in The Times on Tuesday.

Describing them as 'straightforward tax avoidance', the Prime Minister said it was unfair on the people who pay to watch the comic perform that he was not paying his taxes in the same way that they did.

On Thursday Carr bowed to pressure and
issued a statement apologising for his actions, saying he had 'made a
terrible error of judgment'.

It
was also alleged this week that Take That stars Gary Barlow, Howard
Donald and Mark Owen, and the band's manager Jonathan Wild, invested at
least 26million in a scheme run by Icebreaker Management Services which
says it works within the law.

Sir
Chris said he hopes the claims about his own tax affairs did not affect
'the British support I know I will need to perform at my best in
London'.

He will carry the Olympic torch into Manchester city centre after it travels from the Lancastrian coast on day 36 of the relay.

Euro 2012: Germany coach Joachim Low on a high

Low delighted by cheeky line-up after Germany storm into semis

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UPDATED:

23:36 GMT, 22 June 2012

Germany coach Joachim Low was happy his 'cheeky' team selection paid off as his side cruised past Greece 4-2 in their quarter-final in Gdansk.

He made three significant changes from the team which beat Denmark to finish Group B with a 100% record, the stand-out one being replacing three-goal striker Mario Gomez with Miroslav Klose.

Up for it: Miroslav Klose scores the third goal

Up for it: Miroslav Klose scores the third goal

Low said he was unconcerned these alterations leaked out into the public domain hours before kick-off, even if it did somewhat spoil the element of surprise. After missing a host of first-half chances, captain Philipp Lahm gave the three-time champions the lead just before the break.

Even though Celtic striker Georgios Samaras equalised soon after the interval, goals from Sami Khedira, Klose and Marco Reus eased Germany into a last-four encounter with England or Italy despite Dimitris Salpingidis' late penalty.

'To be cheeky is a good thing. Today it was the time to bring in some fresh faces and different types of players who could do a job and I think it worked very well,' said Low.

'I thought after three victories, with which I was satisfied, we needed to be unpredictable against Greece because they know us very well.'

Celebration: Germany's Marco Reus, left, and Jerome Boateng dance after winning the game

Celebration: Germany's Marco Reus, left, and Jerome Boateng dance after winning the game

On his line-up being made public earlier today, he added: 'It is not the way I would have wanted but it is the way it happened and that is that.'

Regarding the game itself Low said: 'I don't think there is any question we absolutely deserved to win this match.

'Greece scored two goals out of one chance and the only thing I can say is we didn't take chances at the start of the game.

'Right from the start we were very good, we had lots of chances.

'They had a strong defence but in the second half we didn't let them hassle us because of the goal we conceded.

'We put in a good performance and the whole way we played was fantastic.'

Sit down on the job: Marco Reus made the game safe for Germany by volleying into an open goal

Sit down on the job: Marco Reus made the game safe for Germany by volleying into an open goal

Greece coach Fernando Santos admitted his side were smothered by Germany – who dominated possession – in the first half, but was pleased with their showing after the interval and also overall at Euro 2012.

'I would like to congratulate Germany. They played well,' he said.

'I would also like to congratulate my players not only for today's performance and effort in today's match but for all their efforts during this tournament.

'The German team were really good and they deserved their huge percentage of ball possession.

'We could have maintained possession more and could have taken more chances but we didn't have the space to breathe. And given Germany had the ball most of the time they could actually press us towards our goal.

Greek tragedy: Greece are heading home after their defeat to the Germans

Greek tragedy: Greece are heading home after their defeat to the Germans

'Despite our defensive efforts we conceded a goal.

'At half-time we told them we had to correct some minor mistakes and try to take more initiative in attack.

'We told them if we could score once it would change the game completely.

'We managed to score and create chances but we conceded the second goal really soon afterwards and that clipped our wings.

'After that it was really difficult to get back to the game. No matter how good your defence is after a certain point you become tired.

'But if someone had told me we would score twice against Germany I would never have believed them.'

Andrew Strauss is still the man to lead England: – Nasser Hussain

I was a dead man walking… Strauss is far from that

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UPDATED:

21:42 GMT, 30 March 2012

Andrew Strauss has not reached the point where he should consider his future but he will know when he goes out to bat in the second Test in Colombo next week that something has changed.

It has changed because he has now been asked in a press conference for the first time whether he has taken England as far as he can and once that sort of thought is in the public domain there will perhaps be a sense in Strauss’s mind that the vultures are circling.

He will be wondering, maybe subconsciously, whether people are questioning his leadership.

Reckless: Strauss hits straight to Dilshan at short mid-wicket

Reckless: Strauss hits straight to Dilshan at short mid-wicket

To me, any suggestion Strauss should retire if things do not go well in the second Test is premature.

There is no question the captain retains the full support of both his team and the powers that be at the ECB and that is exactly how it should be right now.

People have short memories. It was not much longer than a year ago that Strauss was leading England to the Ashes in Australia and it was only at the end of last summer that he spearheaded a 4-0 whitewash of India to take his side to the top of the world.

Think back to where England were when Strauss and Andy Flower took over at the start of 2009 in the aftermath of the Kevin Pietersen-Peter Moores affair and you remember how far they have come in a relatively short space of time.

End of the road: Nasser Hussain knew it was time to quit as captain in 2003

End of the road: Nasser Hussain knew it was time to quit as captain in 2003

Yes, they have lost four Tests this winter and questions have to be asked of England’s batting, but that does not mean the time is right to sack a captain who has achieved so much. We just have a tendency to always think that change will be for the better.

We know that Strauss will not be pushed should this series against Sri Lanka end in defeat but is there any possibility that he will jump, as I did and as other captains have done

The answer again, I believe, is no. Strauss does not look as if he has reached the stage where his brain is scrambled and he is starting to question whether he really is the best man to lead England.

My case was very different. For a start I was a worrier but I think Strauss is a very secure sort of character.

Struggling for form: Strauss has not been in good knick with the bat for a while

Struggling for form: Strauss has not been in good knick with the bat for a while

I was completely frazzled by the time I handed over to Michael Vaughan and, in truth, after the emotional upheaval of the Zimbabwe World Cup affair, I was a dead man walking.

Strauss is far from that.

But there is no question that Strauss needs runs. He only has one Test hundred in his last 48 innings and the captain needs to deliver as a batsman for his own peace of mind as a leader.

The bottom line for him and the bulk of the England batsmen is that they still do not play spin well on slow-turning pitches. Simple as that.

An unhappy time: Strauss came in and picked up the pieces after the Kevin Pietersen and Peter Moores fall out

An unhappy time: Strauss came in and picked up the pieces after the Kevin Pietersen and Peter Moores fall out

Flower tried to protect them after the Pakistan series by saying that he was to blame for not providing enough preparation but England cannot say that now after losing the first Test in Galle.

Strauss’s problems are heightened because he has given up one-day cricket and was not able to bat himself back into form in the 50-over game as Alastair Cook and Kevin Pietersen did in the UAE.

He has had just four Tests this winter and, as he is a touch player, he has not been able to get into the rhythm of batting. Ian Bell’s the same.

England are not the only side who struggle in alien conditions — think Sri Lanka and India in England last summer — but that does not mean that these batsmen cannot get it right next week and in that all-important series in India next winter.

Another disappointment: Strauss walks off after being dismissed in the second innings

Another disappointment: Strauss walks off after being dismissed in the second innings

Strauss should remember that he once scored two centuries in a Test in Chennai and Cook should remember that he scored a hundred on Test debut in Nagpur.

Above all, they should follow the example of Jonathan Trott, who showed them in Galle that batting in subcontinental conditions is not all about block, block, slog. They have to get their tempo right above everything else.

I don’t see a long queue of young openers who would be able to play the pace of Dale Steyn, Morne Morkel and Co as well as Strauss when South Africa come to England this summer.

Carry on captain: Hussain sees no reason why Strauss won't still be captain for the back to back Ashes series in 2013

Carry on captain: Hussain sees no reason why Strauss won't still be captain for the back to back Ashes series in 2013

I believe the captain will and should be in charge for that series. And there is every chance he will do enough to still be captain for the back-to-back Ashes series next year.

For the moment, though, there is no place for him and the other batsmen to hide. They are not playing on spitting cobra pitches. They are not playing against Murali — they are playing against a spinner in Rangana Herath who you would not fear if he came up against you in a county match.

They have to wake up and realise that they are good enough to get their heads down and score runs in Colombo.

Led by their captain.

Joey Barton: Attorney General defends decision not to prosecute

Barton's Twitter comments were in bad taste, not contemptuous, says Attorney General

Attorney General Dominic Grieve has defended his decision not to prosecute footballer Joey Barton for a series of online comments about John Terry ahead of his trial, insisting they would not jeopardise the case.

QPR midfielder Barton posted the remarks on Twitter on Friday after Terry, who has been accused of racially abusing Anton Ferdinand, was stripped of the England captaincy.

Mr Grieve said comments made 'in bad taste' on Twitter were 'neither here nor there' and would be judged only on whether they would prejudice a fair hearing.

No charge: Barton will not be prosecuted for comments about Terry's ongoing court case

No charge: Barton will not be prosecuted for comments about Terry's ongoing court case

'As far as I could see, in this particular case, whatever Mr Barton had been doing didn't seem to me, on the facts, to amount to creating the risk we have just been talking about,' he told the BBC Radio 4 Today programme.

'I think it is a matter of common sense. If people put out into the public domain by publishing or by broadcasting material that might influence or prejudice the course of a trial by putting background material out that is prejudicial and irrelevant to the trial process, then that has the capacity to create the risk.

Twitter ye not: Barton took to the micro-blogging site to air his views

Twitter ye not: Barton took to the micro-blogging site to air his views

'Mere invective or unpleasantness doesn't necessarily meet that test, though in some circumstances it could.'

After airing his views about Terry on the micro-blogging site, Barton added: 'I'll probably get a letter now from “the powers that be”.'

He later returned to Twitter and defended his comments on the grounds of free speech.

Terry,
who was removed from his role as England captain on Friday, denies the
allegations and will stand trial in July, only days after Euro 2012
finishes.

The Attorney
General is the Government's senior law officer, whose remit includes
ensuring defendants facing criminal allegations receive a fair trial.